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  %BUILDING INTIMATE RELATIONSHIPS INTEGRITY HONEST+980316                     
  %CREATIVE SPONTANEOUS AUTHENTIC DESIRES RESPONSES+980316          
    %PRIVACY INTRUSION ADDICTIVE CONTROL RULES LAWS 980316                                                
                                                                                                                               
     While  some  healthy people  seek  in focused ways to      
build authentic  intimate relationships which are  gentle,                     
open,  honest, creative and considerate --- other insecure                         
people  seek  to  intrude  and  find  handles  to  use  in                                                                    
manipulating   such   people  and   their   relationships.                                                              
Through  controls  they  seek  to  compensate  for   their                                
insecurity --- for they  fear  honesty  and  vulnerability                                                                  
which  are  characteristic  of healthy intimacy.     Their                     
insecurity and defensive ways ---  engender insecurity and      
invite  defensive responses on the part of those whom they                                  
seek to control.                                                           
                                                                                                                               
     Authentic healthy relationships are not engineered in                                                              
keeping with formal plans, formulas and/or specifications.                                                                     
Authentic healthy  relationships  are  built  bit  by  bit                                                              
through  patient exploration of mutual  possibilities  for                            
cooperation  which are recognized by people who desire  to          
know each other more fully.   Because of what they desire,          
they rarely get close to the boundaries between proper and                                                                     
improper explorations;  even though  insecure  people  may                                                                    
feel that their own fearful preoccupations  with  controls                   
are not properly honored in the explorations.  Some people                                                                    
feel insecure  when  they  see   others  building  healthy                                                               
relationships   ---   in  the  absence  of   any   fearful               
preoccupation  with  controls.   It  seems  to  them  very                                                           
dangerous and disrespectful of authority --- and so wrong.                                      
                                                                                                                               
                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
                    (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)  
                                                                                                                               
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