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  %PROCESS ALIENATION RECONCILE FORGIVE ACKNOWLEDGE+980104              
  %REPENTANCE REVERSE TURN AROUND TOGETHER CONFLICT+980104                                              
 %RESOLUTION PEACEMAKING SHALOM VIOLENCE WAR TERROR 980104           
                                                                                                                               
     Both  the  process of alienation and the  process  of              
reconciliation which ends the process of alienation ---are              
processes which in paradoxical ways are  cooperative.  The      
process of  alienation  and  the process of reconciliation              
are  mirror images of each other.   The  roles  played  by                                                               
participants  in each process are  often  mirror images of              
each other.                                                               
                                                                                                                               
     1.  Judgmental people  encourage  rebellions --- and                                                            
rebellious people encourage judgmental actions.                                                            
                                                                                                                               
     2.  Self-righteous people encourage prudent avoidance       
---and prudent avoidance encourages self-righteousness.       
                                                                                                                               
     3.  Defensive  people become offensive and  encourage                                                            
defensive   responses,   and  offensive  people  encourage                                  
defensive responses.                                  
                                                                                                                               
     4.  Insecure  people  take advantage of each  other's                                                               
points  of  vulnerability  ---  nd thereby encourage  each                                                            
other to be offensively defensive; and vice versa.                                                               
                                                                                                                               
     Once the process of alienation has been started it is              
difficult  for  any participants to reverse  the  process;              
because  the processes are self-validating in  progressing              
to increasingly higher levels of alienation.    The  logic                                        
of alienation  is   one-directional   and   confuses   the                                        
participants    so   that   they   cannot   perceive   how        
dysfunctional the logic is.                                                                                                    
                                                                                                                               
     The  reversal  of the process of alienation  requires              
cooperation at a higher level --- than does the process of              
alienation.     The  participants in the reversal  of  the                           
process of alienation can succeed only to the extent  that              
they  can acknowledge their own and each other's roles  in                   
the process of alienation ---  without further  alienating              
themselves from themselves and each other in the process.    
                                                                                                                               
     Often  people  who  are  involved  in  an  alienative                                        
process are co-conspirators  in  collusive games of mutual              
self deception ---  but in contradictory ways.    They may 
agree  upon what truths,  questions,  and issues should be                                                                     
avoided, confused and mis-represented; but not upon how to                                               
avoid,   confuse and mis-represent them.   On  the  latter                                                                     
points  they may be in conflict ---  while  still  working                                              
together  as  players in their collusive games  of  mutual                            
self deception. 
                                                                                                                               
     When  people  who  have  been on  opposing  sides  of                                                                    
collusive  games of mutual self deception come to seek  to 
make peace --- they have major challenges which face them:                                                                     
                                                                                                                               
     1.  How to develop mutual trust and respect.                            
     2.  How to sort out confusion they have generated.                                               
     3.  How to agree to talk about taboo topics.                                               
     4.  How to sort out ideals, values and principles.                                         
     5.  How to unravel the fabric of their collusions.                                               
     6.  How to let go of terribly familiar patterns.                                               
                                                                                                                               
                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
                    (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)  
                                                                                                                               
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