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This is Previous-Essay <== This-Essay ==> Following-Essay Click HERE on this line to find essays via Your-Key-Words. {Most frequent wordstarts of each essay will be put here.} ========================================================== %COURTSHIP PERSONAL INTEGRITY COMMUNAL LIVING HOME+961225 %SAFE VULNERABILITY DEMONSTRATION SECURITY RESPOND 961225 In integrative courtship people seek to develop open and honest relationships wherein they can enjoy both personal and communal integrity. In many circumstances it is risky to make oneself vulnerable, for people stand ready to take advantage of vulnerability. In such circumstances courtship entails prudent explorations of others' dispositions---to see if they are more prone to take advantage of vulnerability, or to give free gifts of the freedom to be safely vulnerable. In such explorations the one taking the initiative in courtship demonstrates low level vulnerability to see how the one courted will respond. On the basis of the manner of response other demonstrations of various levels of vulnerability may, or may not follow. In some kinds of courtship what is sought is a advantageous arrangement---as when an upwardly mobile professional young man in graduate school seeks a diligent codependent wife to support him until he is established and needs a higher class woman to serve him by entertaining his upwardly mobile professional peers in style. Personal and communal integrity are not primary considerations in courtships of personal advantage. In some royal courts courtship had to do with royal arrangements between different courts---to cement relationships between states which might otherwise engage in destructive conflicts. In such situations personal needs, desires and integrity often played secondary roles. In all occasions of courtship it is more helpful for those immediately involved and the members of their community---to deal openly and honestly with the nature of each courtship; rather than for them to play collusive games of mutual self deception. People who are playing collusive games of mutual self deception are unlikely to be well informed, unlikely to be thinking clearly, and so unlikely to make wise decisions leading to integrative behaviors. (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy) ==========================================================