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  %SIMPLE JUST SAY NO FORMULATED QUESTION DICHOTOMY 961114

     Many people admonish others to "just say no".

     Most thinking people find the admonition to "just say
no"   not  very helpful.   Why?   For the following,   and
perhaps for other, reasons:

     1.  "Just say no"  presumes that there is  a question
which  is well formulated and to which there are only  two
reasonable responses:   "No"  or "Yes".   There are few if
any,   such  questions.   Usually there are more than  two
reasonable alternatives in each situation.  The essence of
our  dilemma  is that very few situations in life  can  be
reduced to a choice between just two alternatives.

     2.  A  question  which  is well  formulated  for  one
person and situation is rarely well formulated for another
person and their situation.    Personal differences make a
difference  in  how a question should be formulated to fit
personal  circumstances.   It is dishonest to ignore  such
differences.

     3.   The admonition  "Just say no"  is  formulated in
negativistic   terms.     It   is  not   an   affirmation.
Admonitions  which  are formulated in negative  terms  are
often misleading.   Negativistic admonitions often  entail
misleading  assumptions,  attitudes,  logic,  appearances,
presentations, responses, etc.

     4.  If a question to which we say "no"  is formulated
in  a misleading way,  our saying "no"  to the question is
most  likely  not to be a wise response to  the  situation
which   is  handled  by  just  saying  no.    Most   human
relationships are not wisely dealt with by just saying no.
It  is  wiser  to  give  qualified  affirmations  to  some
alternatives---than   to   give  unqualified  denials   to
selected and over-simplified alternatives.

     5.  "Just   say  no"    misleads  many  people   into
negativistic  patterns of always saying no as  the  safest
thing to do.  Such negativity is disintegrative of peoples
and communities.

     6.   "Just   say  no"   is  often   associated   with
legalistic  judgementalism  and  condemnations  which  are
alienative---and so are disintegrative of people and their
communities.

     7.  "Just say no"   suggests that there is no careful
thinking required in dealing with the difficult situations
in life.   It suggests that life can be simple if you just
follow  a few simple rules in all situations.   The tragic
consequences  which are encountered by people who  try  to
live  by  the  rule "Just say no"   suggest  that  such  a
simplistic rule is inadequate in real life situations.

                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
                    (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)  
                                                                                                                               
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