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    %COMMUNAL BOND MARRIAGE OWNERSHIP INDIVIDUALIST 960902

     In healthy communities there is a mutual bond between
integrative members of the community  and the community as
an  integrative  whole.   In a sense they own each  other;
but  it is not the kind of ownership which is  preoccupied
with  issues of control,  exclusion,  manipulation,   etc.
Healthy  members  of a healthy community and  the  healthy
community  as a whole are interdependent in balanced  ways
which promote continued respect and health.

     In  a  healthy  marriage two people are  bonded  in a
continuing   relationship  of mutual respect,     balance,
growth  and inter-dependence.   Neither one owns the other
in  the  sense  of  ownership which  is  preoccupied  with
issues  of control,  exclusion,     manipulation,     etc.
Yet,     neither  one is indifferent to the  other's  well
being.     Each is concerned to help promote  the  other's
integrity;   yet,  neither one is in charge of the other's
integrity.   Each desires to be in the  other's  presence;
yet,  not only  in  the  other's presence.    Each desires
to  be  together  with the other  in  mutually  satisfying
cooperative ventures; yet,   to be free to  be  with other
friends who are complementary to them.

     As  in healthy  marriages---there  are  healthy bonds
between  integrative  members of healthy  communities  and
each one's healthy community.    Each member cares for the
integrity of the whole community.   Each healthy community
cares  for  the integrity of each of its  members.    Each
desires  to  be  together  with  the  other  in   mutually
satisfying cooperative ventures;  yet,  to be free  to  be
with  others who are complementary  to  their own communal
relationship.    Separation  is  not  desired---and is not
unilateral   with  indifference  even  if  there  comes  a
separation.   Separation is not excommunication as part of
some  punishment designed to achieve control.   Separation
is regretted if it comes.

     In  a healthy community members of the  community are
healthy in part because they know that they are  loved  by
the  community  and  they  know that  their  integrity  is
promoted by the community.  In turn each healthy member of
the community promotes the integrity of the community as a
whole---for  they  are profoundly interdependent.     Each
person  is  secure in the knowledge that  their  community
loves them in integrative ways; not in manipulative ways.

     Many  individuals  have  experienced  only  unhealthy
communities---which   have  sought  to  control  them   as
personal possessions  of the community.   Such individuals
cannot conceive what it  would  be like to be cherished as
an integrative healthy member  of  an  integrative healthy
community;  so they seek to avoid communal  entanglements.
They  are  proud  of how independent  they  are  in  their
freedom of isolation.   They do not want to give up  their
independence and cannot conceive healthy inter-dependence.

                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
                    (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)  
                                                                                                                               
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