This is http://www.essayz.com/a9604251.htm         
Previous-Essay      <== This-Essay ==>     Following-Essay
Click HERE on this line to find essays via Your-Key-Words.
{Most frequent wordstarts of each essay will be put here.}
==========================================================
   %INVITE DEBATE DUEL BATTLE CONFLICT VIOLENCE WAR+960425
  %DRAG SEDUCE CHALLENGE TRICK DEMAND ENGAGE OTHERS+960425
    %EVIL ESTRANGEMENT ALIENATION MISUNDERSTAND SIN 960425

     Contentious people  often issue insistent invitations
to others to engage in debate,  duels, battles, conflicts,
violence,  wars and the  like.    Contentious people  find
there fulfillment in being  contentious---in getting other
people to join them in  being  contentious.  It is no  fun
being  contentious if  you  have nobody  to be contentious
with. Contentious people  cannot have fun with people  who
are peace-makers and  manage  to  get  along cooperatively
with others.

     Contentious people  seek  to set the  agenda for non-
contentious people.   They ask questions,  make proposals,
make  motions,   issue statements,  issue demands---to get
others to join  them in being contentious.     Contentious
people  do not seek  to resolve  conflicts---for  doing so
would deprive them of  the opportunity to find fulfillment
in being contentious.   Contentious people seek to promote
and  extend   conflict---so  that  they  can  find   their
fulfillment in being contentious with other people.

     Contentious people often act as if they are earnestly
doing the work of the God of Love.   They are dead serious
about their work for "The Lord".  They Lord it over others
in deadly ways.  They know it all,  and want to make clear
that they know it all.   People who disagree with them are
clearly agents of The Devil.   Such views serve their need
for  opportunities  to be in contention with other people.
They stir up a great deal of controversy to satisfy  their
need for contentious relationships.

     People who  are  not  contentious  and do not want to
become contentious need to wary of contentious  people. It
is  all too  easy to accept their  invitations  to  become
involved in contentious debates which focus upon instances
of  disagreement---rather  than  focus  upon  instances of
agreement.   It  is  not difficult to  find  instances  of
disagreement  and  to encourage people to  be  fearful  of
those  people  who  disagree with them.    Paranoia  is  a
disease which can easily  be  engendered  in  most people.
With the encouragement of  a  few contentious people a few
small disagreements can be fanned into a big fire and into
uncontrollable paranoia and violence.

     Contentious people are often fearful people, for they
fear  that  other  people  will  threaten  them---as  they
threaten  other  people.    Threats  are  normal,   to  be
expected.  They expect other people to threaten them.   It
is  normal to be defensive,  foolish not to be  defensive.
They  ask  others  to  join  them  in  their  fearful  and
defensive approach  to live.   If we show we are reluctant
to join them in their life style they  are likely to think
we are not  worthy of respect  and  trust---for  they will
recognize we are "different".

     How are we to respond to the  threats  of contentious
people and their life-styles?

     It is  helpful  to seek to focus  attention upon what
people  have  in  common  and  upon  what  people  are  in
agreement about.   This can be done by the use of priority
voting.  In priority voting---lists of  what people regard
as true,  important, valuable, urgent, essential,  worthy,
etc. are drawn up.    Such  lists  should be formulated in
affirmative ways, not in negative ways.   The lists should
indicate what people are willing to support, not what they
seek to oppose.

     Given such a list,  many people are asked to indicate
how strongly they are inclined to support various items on
such a list with their time, effort,  money, affirmations,
etc.   Votes  are  tallied to find  which  people  are  in
agreement with each other on which items---and cooperative
efforts  between  people  who are in agreement  with  each
other are promoted.   A prudent effort can be made to seek
to avoid  contentious activities.  A  conscious effort can
be  made  to find bases for  conflict-resolution,   peace-
making, and cooperation.  A conscious effort  can  be made
to avoid  accepting invitations  of  contentious people to
join them in being contentious.

     When contentious  people are faced with the fact that
there are many  healthy  people  around  them  who  are in
agreement regarding many  things,   the contentious people
may sometimes  find that  they can  let go of their fears,
defenses,    and   anxieties;   and  become  involved   in
constructive cooperation.
                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
                    (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)  
                                                                                                                               
==========================================================