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      %IMPOSSIBLE LOVE CONTROL PREOCCUPATION ADDICT+951028
   %LOVE INTIMACY SEXUALITY INTEGRATION COOPERATION+951028
  %WAR CONFLICT RESOLUTION TERROR VIOLENCE EVIL SIN+951028
   %RELAX REST SABBATH SUNDAY LET GO SECURE DEFENSE 951028

We  cannot love or be together in love so long as we
are preoccupied with issues of control;  e.g.,  who is  in
control,   being in control,  control towards what goal or
achievement, being controlled by whom or towards what end,
etc.

If  we  are  preoccupied with issues of  control  we
cannot   relax   or  let-go---for  we  must   control  our
appearances  lest anybody catch us off-guard and  use  our
vulnerability as  an opportunity to take advantage of  our
weakness and control us.

If  we  are preoccupied with issues  of  control  we
cannot  be truly secure---for true security is the freedom
to be safely vulnerable when not in control.

     If  we are preoccupied with issues of control we  are
bound  to be constantly defensive and alienative---because
we  dare not be vulnerable with our defenses down and  run
the risk of being controlled by another person,  who  like
us is preoccupied with issues of control.

     If  we are preoccupied with issues of control we  are
bound   to   be   engaged  in  conflicts  where   we   are
manipulative, coercive and violent---for we and others who
are preoccupied with issues of control are bound to try to
manipulate  each  other in coercive and violent  ways---in
our efforts to be totally in control on our own terms.

     If  we  are preoccupied with issues of control we  do
not dare to be engaged fully in cooperative ventures---for
such   cooperation  makes  us  vulnerable  in  ways  which
undermine our possibilities of being fully in control.

     If  we  are  preoccupied with issues  of  control  we
cannot cooperate  in conflict resolution efforts---for all
true  conflict  resolution  entails openness  and  honesty
about our needs, fears,  desires,  hopes and aspiration---
and   so   entails   vulnerability  and  letting   go   of
preoccupations with issues of control.

     If  we  are  preoccupied with issues  of  control  we
cannot be peacemakers---for  peacemaking  entails conflict
resolution   which  is  impossible  for  people  who   are
preoccupied with issues of control.

     If  we are preoccupied with issues of control we  are
dammed to hellish lives of conflict, coercion, dishonesty,
alienation,  violence,  anger, resentment,  depression and
hopelessness.

     If we are preoccupied with issues of control we  need
to  consider  carefully  the price we are paying  for  our
continued preoccupation with issues of control;  let go of
such  futile  preoccupations---and take some new kinds  of
risks  which are unlikely to lead to such great sacrifices
as our preoccupation with issues of control.

                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
                    (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)  
                                                                                                                               
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