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    %TALK WRITE DISCUSS EMOTIONAL RELATIONS CONNECT+950105
   %ANGER FRUSTRATION RESENTMENT FEAR DESIRE REGRET+950105
      %DREAD TERROR YEARN LONG LUST CRAVE FEEL WANT 950105

     There is something important missing when the members
of  a community very rarely talk openly and honestly about
their emotions and how their various emotions are  related
to each other and to their experiences.

     There  is  no  need to talk about every  emotion  and
every  conceivable  inter-connection between emotions  and
emotions and experiences.  Something is wrong, however, if
there  is  a pervasive pattern of rarely if  ever  talking
openly  and  honestly about any  emotions,   their  inter-
relationships, and how they relate to personal experiences
which are owned and reflected upon.

     Sometimes  people  do not talk about  their  emotions
because  they lack the vocabulary and word patterns to  do
so.    That  lack is a sign of other patterns of  behavior
which have in various ways inhibited the development of an
adequate vocabulary of words and word combinations.

     When  people are not given the gift of true  security
which  is the freedom to be safely vulnerable,  they  feel
reluctant  to talk about  how  they  feel---for to do   so
is to make yourself vulnerable.

     When  people  are  taught  to  be  preoccupied   with
objectivity as a badge of respectability and acceptability
they are reluctant to be reflexive in talking  about their
own emotions---for to do  so  is to take off  the badge of
respectability and acceptability.

     People  often  feel  it is better  to  appear  to  be
objective  even  if  that appearance is  lacking  in  full
honesty.   Then they may seem not to have any feelings and
be  objective---even though their deception is  rooted  in
feelings of anxiety, fear and insecurity.

     We cannot be people and communities of integrity when
we are not securely being true to ourselves and each other
in  the  light of gifts of security given to us  in  love.
Thus, too often we are defensive, offensive and violent.

                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
                    (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)  
                                                                                                                               
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