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       %TABOO VULNERABLE TEMPT SEX MANIPULATE ABUSE 941121

     Some  men will claim on occasion that  their  abusive
behavior  was caused by women who improperly tempted  them
to  be  abusive.    By  being present  and  vulnerable  as
attractive  personal beings,  the women have committed  an
act of   impropriety,  and  they  are  regarded  as  being
responsible for the abusive behavior of the men.

     Addicts  often will fail to be responsible for  their
own abusive and/or negligent behavior.  They seek to blame
others,  rather  than  to understand and modify  their own
dysfunctional patterns of assumptions,  beliefs,  thought,
feeling,  desires, decisions and behaviors.  "Women should
not    tempt    them"   may  be  their  response  to   the
observation that they  have behaved inappropriately toward
women.   "Women  should be less  tempting  objects  and/or
should  hide their tempting aspects from the  presence  of
the men who cannot resist temptation.   It is men's nature
to  yield  to  temptation.   Women are more  powerful  and
should compensate for men's weakness.  Women should not be
tempting, and are at fault when they do tempt men."

     "Women   should  not be vulnerable to  men's  abuses.
It is taboo for women to be vulnerable.  It is appropriate
that  men  exercise greater power than women.   It is  not
appropriate  that  women be vulnerable to  powerful  men."
Men often cannot see  clearly the inconsistencies in their
patterns  of   assumptions,  beliefs,  thought,   feeling,
desires, decisions and behaviors.  Women and children need
to see what men cannot see.

                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
                    (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)  
                                                                                                                               
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