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  %DYSFUNCTIONAL ADDICTIVE DENIAL DISHONEST PRETEND+941104
  %EXPERIENCE EMOTION BASIC NEED THOUGHT DESIRE SIN+941104
  %GUILT SHAME REJECTION EXCOMMUNICATION ACCEPTANCE 941104

     To  recover  health  and integrity we need  often  to
recognize the way in which denial, dishonesty and pretense
are  dysfunctionally  used  as  tools  of manipulation  in
efforts to survive.

     It  does  no  good to deny,  be  dishonest about,  or
pretend that we did not have an experience which we really
did have.   Our own experiences are the foundations of our
true reality and our personal integrity.   We disintegrate
when we try to survive by denying,  being dishonest about,
or pretending that the foundations of our integrity do not
exist.

     We have basic human needs.   It does no good to deny,
be  dishonest  about, or pretend that we do not  have  the
basic human needs which we do have.   We cannot survive by
manipulating  the appearance of what we need---to  conform
our   appearances   so  as  to  fulfill   other   people's
expectations of us.

     We  have certain unique desires,  wants,   hopes  and
aspirations;  they are truly ours.  They may be misguided,
unwise, inconsiderate, and foolish---but they are ours. It
does no good to deny the reality  of,  be dishonest about,
or pretend that we do not have the desires,  wants,  hopes
and aspirations which are truly ours.    We cannot survive
by manipulating the appearance of what we  desire,   want,
hope  for and aspire to---so as to fulfill other  people's
expectations of us.   We do, however,  need to be wise and
be  prudent about seeking to fulfill each  desire,   want,
hope  and  aspiration.    We  do  need  to  be  realistic,
considerate  and  sensitive  to  other  people's  desires,
wants, hopes and aspirations---without being dishonest.

     We  have  certain human limitations which  we  cannot
transcend.    We  cannot  live forever.    We  cannot  use
resources which are not available to us, or do not  exist.
We cannot  work miracles which  violate  God's regulations
of  natural  processes  as  described  by  fully  verified
scientific  descriptive  laws.    We cannot  be  objective
about ourselves in detached ways. It does  no good to deny
the reality of, be dishonest about,  or pretend that we do
not  have  the  limitations which God has placed upon  our
existence.    Dishonesty  is  not the way to  survive with
meaning and satisfaction.

     We  do  not achieve virtue,   goodness,   success  or
satisfaction by PRETENDING to:  be,  desire,  want,  need,
hope-for,   expect,   or  experience what  others  expect,
require or demand of  us.   Such pretense is not a virtue,
good, or a ground for hope.

     To  recover  health  and integrity we need  often  to
recognize the way in which denial, dishonesty and pretense
are  dysfunctionally  used  as  tools  of manipulation  in
efforts to survive.

     To   survive   meaningfully we  need to  search   for
integrity   and honesty as we seek to be ourselves,  whole
and healthy.
                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
                    (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)  
                                                                                                                               
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