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%ELEMENTARY PARTICLE HEALTHY PERSONAL RELATION LOVE+940914
%OBJECT SUBJECT REFLEXIVE INTIMACY SEX HONESTY TRUE 940914

     The  physicists' model  of truly elementary particles
interacting with each other at a distance,  because of the
unchanging   essential   properties  of   the   elementary
particles---is  not a good model  in  terms  of  which  to
understand healthy intimate personal relationships.

     In  interactions  between truly elementary  particles
the particles  are not changed by their interactions.   It
is true that in  some  collisions composite  particles are
destroyed  and  thereby shown not to be  truly  elementary
particles. When  atoms  collide and split into  electrons,
protons,   neutrons,  mesons,  and other  more  elementary
particles---it   is  shown  that  atoms  are   not   truly
elementary particles. When  protons  and  neutrons collide
and generate other particles it is shown  that protons and
neutrons are not ultimately elementary and unchanging; but
made up  of quarks.    Perhaps  not  even quarks are truly
elementary  particles.   They may be composed of vibrating
strings and loops!

     In  healthy  human  intimacy  the  participants   are
changed by their relationships.   They do not exist in any
complete sense  apart from their relationship;  but  it is
not  a  healthy relationship if they cannot exist as whole
persons  without  embarrassment  in the  absence  of  each
other.  It is not a  healthy  intimate relationship if the
participants cling to each other, or clutch at each other.
Healthy people do not try to own or manipulate each other;
yet   they   are  who  they  are---by  virtue   of   their
relationships; and true participants do not try to declare
their independence from their relationships.

     Healthy  human intimacy cannot be truly understood in
terms of unchanging properties of elementary participants;
for in healthy intimacy human participants are growing and
changing  in  ways  which are beyond  their  control---and
are guided by the processes of their relationships.

                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
                    (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)  
                                                                                                                               
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