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         %ACHIEVE ACCEPTABILITY CONFORM EXPECTATION 940427

    It   is   futile  to  attempt  to   achieve   personal
acceptability in the  eyes of any person or group.   It is
futile for the following reasons:

    1.  Personal acceptability is a reflexive reality, not
an   objective   reality.     Reflexive   realities    are
particularly sensitive to initial and changing conditions.
Thus  reflexive  processes are chaotic  in  the  sense  of
modern chaos  theory---small  differences  in  initial and
intermediate  conditions  can  make  great differences  in
consequences and outcomes.  Thus participants in reflexive
realities  cannot  control consequences  and outcomes---so
personal  acceptability cannot  be  achieved  by  how  one
controls one's own attitudes, beliefs, thoughts, emotions,
decisions and actions.

    2.  The   conformal  people  whom  one  must   impress
favorably  to achieve personal acceptability in their eyes
---are  most likely people who are playing collusive games
of  mutual  self deception in the  manner  of addicts  and
their  codependent supporters.   This is the case  because
healthy  people  of integrity do not  make  acceptance  of
people into communities of  dialogue  conditional upon any
kind  of conformity.   Only collusive  addicts  and  their
codependent  supporters  are preoccupied  with  issues  of
conformity and control with regards to people.
mediate conditions because each  person's
behaviors are reactively connected with fearful energy  to
each person's  impressions/interpretations  of  each other
person's appearances and behaviors.  Each conformal person
is up-tight with fearful energy and reacts compulsively to
each  threatening  sign of possible rejection.   Chaos  is
always  just  around the corner.   Thus there  can  be  no
confidence  that any specified course of action will  lead
to any predicted  or  anticipated reflexive consequence or
outcome.   Conformal people's   behaviors are bound to  be
chaotic, confused and unpredictable in the sense of modern
chaos theory.

    4.  It  is futile to try to achieve acceptance into  a
community of  people  who place conditions upon acceptance
into   honest  dialogue---for  such  people  are   playing
collusive games of mutual self deception.    They fear any
open   and  honest  dialogue  which  would  expose   their
dishonest games for what  they are.  Conformal people will
always  be  changing their conditions  for  acceptability;
demanding new kinds of perfection, and finding fault  with
previous   achievements---to   avoid   exposure  of  their
dishonest games.

    5.  People  who  put  conditions  upon  acceptance  of
candidates into  their  communities;  pretend  that  their
conditions are objective in nature---when in  practice the
conditions  are  highly  reflexive  conditions  which  are
constantly  changing  in  reaction  to  the  responses  of
candidates  for  acceptance.    Conformal people  form  an
unpredictably   reactive  community,   not   an   honestly
responsive community of responsible people.

                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
                    (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)  
                                                                                                                               
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