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   %MANIPULATE COMMITMENT ALIEN VIOLENCE SELF OTHER+940210
%DISINTEGRATE REFLEXIVE RELATION DISHONEST INTIMATE 940210

     Participants    in   collusions,    addictions    and
codependent   relationships   are  prone   to   manipulate
commitments,  and to use  them as tools  by  which  to  do
violence to self and others.    A commitment can be abused
and used as a handle by which to yank,  jerk and otherwise
manipulate the person who has made the commitment.

     When  people have become intimate with each other and
have become vulnerable in trust --- if the relationship is
not healthy,  one  or the other may  violate and abuse the
trust in an effort to gain a unilateral advantage  at  the
expense   of  the  other.    If  the  purpose  is  to  win
unilaterally,  the  integrity of the relationship will  be
violated in the interests of gaining some advantage.  Then
commitments are merely tools to be used and abused.

     A  commitment  can  be used as a  tool  by  which  to
require  another  person  to  do  violence  to  their  own
personal  integrity;  to  refuse to be true  to  self  and
others as a participant in a collusive game of mutual self
deception.  A commitment can be interpreted violently as a
commitment   to  fulfill  a  responsibility   to   support
collusive games of mutual  self deception;  in  solidarity
and   loyalty   to   one's   "closest  friends"   who  are
presenting  threats.      Loyalty  to  a  person  can   be
perverted into being loyalty to a collusive game of mutual
self  deception;   and so into being  committed  to  being
dishonest with self and others.

     Commitments to ideals and values can be perverted and
manipulated  through reflexive interpretations,  so   that
participation  in collusive games of mutual self deception
is regarded  as  the fulfillment of idealistic commitments
to particular ideals  and  values.   This  is true even of
commitments to  the  ideals  and  values of scientists for
whom  objectivity  and honesty are  important.   Exclusive
objectivity  entails  dishonesty  about  how reflexive all
commitments  are  ---   because  it  is  impossible  to be
objective  about commitments;   for "perfect  objectivity"
entails  the  pretense  that one can be objective  at  all
times  and  in  all situations,   including  in  reflexive
relationships.

                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
                    (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)  
                                                                                                                               
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