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 %TENSION DEFENSE SECURITY VULNERABILITY LETTING GO+931216
 %SACRIFICE PERSONAL SAFETY COMMUNAL INTEGRITY LOVE+931216
 %BALANCE PRUDENT CAUTION RISK TRUST HONESTY SEXUAL 931216

     One  of  the most basic tensions in  human  existence
pertains  to maintaining balance between seeking  personal
security and survival  by  prudently  avoiding excessively
risky situations---and seeking both  communal and personal
integrity   by  prudently  taking  risks  in   integrative
intimate  personal relationships.   This basic tension  is
rooted  in  the evolution of sexual  reproduction  through
which  the  DNA  of  organisms  survives  only by
organisms  taking  the risks which are entailed in  sexual
union.

     If  we imprudently do not take enough  prudent  risks
all  that is incarnated in us will die with us,    because
it  will  not  become  integrated in  others  through  our
intimate relationships with others.

     If  we  imprudently take excessive risks all that  is
incarnated  in  us will die with us because  we  will  not
survive to be intimate with others in secure relationships
of mutual vulnerability and safety.

     Intimacy  is risky because in intimate  relationships
we are vulnerable and may be taken advantage of by someone
who is not worthy of respect and trust.   It is not always
possible   to  tell who is worthy or respect  and   trust,
and who  is  not.   It is often necessary to elicit  trust
by  trusting  someone  who is  not  entirely  trustworthy.
Trust  grows  when people demonstrate trust which  is  not
based on defensive computations.  Trust disintegrates when
trust is withheld  except  in  situations where  there  is
clear     evidence  and proof of respectability and  truth
worthiness.

     Security is the freedom to be safely vulnerable;  the
freedom to trust others in risky situations.   Security is
a  gift offered and accepted in trust,  not an achievement
which  results  from  skeptical,   cynical  and  defensive
approaches  to risky situations.  Trust grows  when people
demonstrate   trust  which  is  not  based  on   defensive
computations.   Trust disintegrates when trust is withheld
except in  situations where  there is clear evidence and
proof of respectability and truth worthiness.  Wise people
know how to grow trust.  Defensive people undermine trust.

                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
                    (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)  
                                                                                                                               
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