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     %LUST SEX DESIRE OBJECT CONTROL ABUSE INTIMATE+931201
    %FRIEND RELATION REFLEXIVE VULNERABLE SAFE LOVE 931201

     There  is  often lack of clarity as to just  what  is
lust and what is healthy sexual desire.  In fact sometimes
people  behave  as if there were no such thing as  healthy
sexual   desire  and  as  if  all  sexuality  is   somehow
degrading.

     Some  people behave as if non-conformal sexual desire
and  activity is motivated by lust because lust is defined
in  terms  on  non-conformity.    This  point  of view  is
characteristic of people and communities where  conformity
is  "good"   and non-conformity is "evil".   For them  the
essence  of  "evil"  is non-conformity.   The  essence  of
"good"  is conformity.  They equate conformity with "good"
and non-conformity with "evil" and vice versa.    In their
simple world - view conformity to the will of  a  dictator
might be viewed as "good"  and disobeying the commandments
of  a  dictator might be viewed as "evil".    In the  real
world we need to ask whether conformity promotes  personal
and communal integrity,  or disintegration?  Is conformity
associated  with  honesty or dishonesty?    Is  conformity
associated with liberation or enslavement?

     When  considering  whether  lust  is  an  appropriate
descriptive  terms to be used in a given situation we  may
well ask the following kinds of questions:

     1.  Is a desire or intent manipulative/coercive.

     2.  Is a desire unilateral or mutual.

     3.  Are pre-existing commitments being honored?

     4.  Is there honesty about human limitations?

     5.  Is there a mature friendship already existing?

     6.  Are there signs of personal or group addictions.

     7.  Are relationships seen in the presence of God?

     8.  Are there efforts to maintain a healthy balance?

     9.  Are probable long terms consequences considered?

     10.  Who is trying to control whom for what reasons?

                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
                    (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)  
                                                                                                                               
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