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      %HEALTHY LIMIT INTIMATE RELATE BOUND POSSIBLE+930827
    %EXCLUSIVE INTENSE MANY FEW FRIEND ACQUAINTANCE 930827

     Due  to human limitations of finite:  lives,  powers,
knowledge,  understanding, energy, and attention there are
limits  upon  what is possible as regards the  number  and
intensity of intimate friendships and sexual relationships
which can be healthy and integrative.  It is dishonest and
so is disintegrative  to pretend that there are no natural
limits.    Various  cultures and communities deal with the
realities of human limitations in various ways.

     Some  cultures  and  communities  demand  that  their
members be exclusive in their intimate relationships; only
one intimate relationship per life,  or only one  intimate
relationship  at a time---so that there is time,   energy,
attention  and  interest  to  devote  to  making  the  one
intimate relationships a "good" one.  This ways of dealing
with  human  limitations  often  encounters   difficulties
because  it  tends  to   occasion   excessive  levels   of
exclusivity  and lack of honesty about intermediate levels
of intimacy.   Seeking to perfect this kind of solution to
human limitations (as regards what is possible in  regards
to intimacy) often leads  to  dishonesty;  especially when
perfectionists  are  legalistic  and  judgmental   towards
attractive people who are not disposed as they are.   Such
people  are  discouraged  from being  honest  about  their
intermediate levels of intimacy with each other;   because
multiple intimate relationships are in effect taboo.   The
rules are vague and lend themselves to biased enforcement.

     In a  healthy community of cooperative healthy people
there is honesty about human limitations in regards to how
many and how intensive the intimate relationships of  each
person   can  be,   but  people  are  not  imprisoned   by
technocratic   rules  about  what  they  are   authorized,
permitted  or required to do as regards intimacy.  Healthy
people  openly  and honestly describe their own limits and
learn from each other about  the  possibilities  for human
intimacy in the face of human limitations as regards time,
energy, attention, etc.

     Healthy people  are not compulsively preoccupied with
generating,    enforcing   and  making  judgements   about
prescriptions  regarding human  intimacy  as  a  technical
solution  to  the  dilemmas relating to  human limitations
pertaining  to time,  energy,  attention,  etc.    Healthy
people are open and honest about their own limitations and
encourage each other  deal openly  and honestly with their
limitations.     It  does  take  courage  some  times   to
acknowledge our limitations and deal with  them openly and
honestly,   thus we often need en-courage-ment.   We never
need dis-courage-ment in dealing with our limitations.

                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
                    (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)  
                                                                                                                               
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