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       %REJECT CHALLENGE ACCEPT DUEL ADDICT CONTROL 930401

     All   too   often  unsuspecting  people  accept   the
challenge of addicts to try  to control them;  rather than
be controlled by them.    People assume that  by trying to
control the behavior of the challenging addict it will  be
possible   to  avoid  being  controlled  by  them.    Such
dichotomous thinking, like most dichotomous thinking,  is
misleading.

     If  we  accept  the challenge of an addict  to try to
control their thoughts, feelings and behavior;  we thereby
give  the  addict  the  power  to  control  our  thoughts,
feelings and behavior.  Accepting the challenge is a fatal
mistake  which can be corrected only by letting go of  the
challenge and learning  how  to relate openly and honestly
to the addict who  is  playing collusive  games  of mutual
self deception with those who accept the challenge.

     To  accept  the challenge of the addict is  to become
like the  addict in attitude,  thought and behavior;    to
become fixated upon issues of control,  imperfection,  and
fixing imperfections.    It is to become enmeshed  in  the
insane  logic  of  the  challenge  to  a  duel,   in which
participants inevitably die by agreeing to participate  in
the ritual of the duel.   The society which shows respects
for the ritual of addictive attempts to be in control,  is
a  society  which  has become  an  addict,   and  respects
addictive duels  to the  death of  all participants in the
collusive games of mutual  self  deception of participants
and participant spectators.

                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
                    (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)  
                                                                                                                               
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