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%OBJECTIVE PERSONAL RELATIONSHIP RESEARCH COLLUSION+930313
%PARANOID DISHONESTY DECEPTION ADDICT CODEPEND LOVE 930313

     We often have difficulty perceiving, recognizing, and
describing the difference between a threat to our personal
and communal integrity on the one hand, an a threat to our
collusions, addictions and codependencies.   If we and our
community  cannot make such distinctions reliably; then we
are bound  to treat threats to our collusions,  addictions
and codependence in much  the  same way  as threats to our
personal and communal integrity.  If such is the case,  we
are hardly in a position to protect our integrity.

     Threats    to   our   collusions,    addictions   and
codependencies are bound to engender unbounded fear;  fear
without:  bounds,  boundaries,  knowledge,  understanding,
insight, honesty,  love,  or power to respond prudently to
real threats to our integrity.  Threats to our collusions,
addictions and  codependencies  are  not  threats  to  our
personal  and  communal  integrity.   If  threats engender
inclinations  to:     manipulate  people,  try  to  be  in
control,  use  deception as a tool of  manipulation,    be
violent,  take advantage of people's vulnerability,  or be
arrogant---then   the  threats  are  not  threats  to  our
integrity.

     If  we  are  open and honest  in  healthy integrative
relationships and  our  integrity  is  threatened  we  may
reasonably  fear  the threats to our  integrity---and take
prudent  steps  to rob the threats of their  power.    The
first step which will rob the threats of their power is to
avoid imprudent fear which is unbounded.   Prudent fear is
based  upon  a  deep respect  for  reasonable  boundaries,
knowledge, understanding, insight, honesty, love and power
to respond openly  and  honestly  to real threats  to  our
integrity.   Prudent  fear looks clearly at the  situation
and  asks  what about  the situation most merits open  and
honest fear; and how to deal with the threat to integrity.

     To respond prudently to real threats to integrity  we
must  recognize that it is the balance  between   personal
and  communal  integrity which most need to be  protected;
and that fear of open and honest communication,  intimacy,
and self revelation is the  most  dangerous  threat to our
integrity.     To rob that fear of its power we must  give
all peoples the gift of true security;  i.e.,  the freedom
to  be vulnerable with safety.   Those people to whom such
security is not given will be defensive and be a threat to
our  integrity.    The best defense is the  gift  of  true
security.
                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
                    (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)  
                                                                                                                               
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