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    %RESOLUTION VIOLENCE WAR TERROR ADDICT CODEPEND 930308

     The root of many tragic conflicts may be found in the
denial  of the possibility of conflicts  existing  between
our own sincere beliefs,  convictions,  ideals and values;
and the sincere beliefs, convictions, ideals and values of
other people of integrity.

     Too  often  we believe that conflicts can exist  only
between  good people on one side (us)  and people who  are
evil,  negligent,  selfish, faulty, defective, or wrong on
the other side (them).

     Too often we believe that we are sincere, reasonable,
right, just, righteous, justifiable and bound to  win---if
only we maintain the conflict  long  enough.   We  and our
enemies  are alike in  believing that we will win if  only
we  prolong  the conflict,  renew our  dedication  to  old
ideals and values,   and are persistent.  We all feel that
God must be on our side,  because we know we are righteous
in our demands.

     The truth is that most tragic conflicts are conflicts
between  people  who  are  sincere  in  their  support  of
conflicting ideals, values,  beliefs and convictions.  The
essence  of  a  tragic conflict  is  to be  found  in  the
sincerity   of   the  participants  who  fail  to  try  to
communicate,  listen to and understand each other.    They
accept their alienation as normal and natural,  and try to
use it as a tool with which to defeat each other;   rather
than  acknowledge that  their  alienation is their  mutual
enemy  which they need to transcend through  dialogue  and
cooperation.

     The  truth  is  that most tragedies are rooted in  an
inadequate commitment to listen to the truth,  to seek the
truth, to speak the truth.

     Most  tragedies are rooted in our collusive games  of
mutual self deception,  as we play out the tragic logic of
our  commitments to our addictions and to our patterns  of
codependent support of our addicts.

     We  refuse  to  be  honest about the  nature  of  our
conflicts with our enemies;  who are a  great deal like us
in   their  parallel  compulsive  commitments  to    their
collusive ways of thinking, feeling and believing---all of
which are rooted in  situations like our own dysfunctional
families of origin and our  own  childish responses to the
dysfunctionality.  We and they cannot be honest  about and
mourn the tragedies of our childhoods,  and  so we  replay
them  in our adult lives;  creating  new  generations   of
conflict ridden  children  who  will perpetuate our tragic
traditions in  sincere  unresolved conflicts  during their
adult lives as adult children of unresolved conflict.

                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
                    (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)  
                                                                                                                               
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