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    %ACHIEVE PERFECT FLAW MISTAKE ERROR SIN SUCCEED 930307

     If  we  base our pride,  self esteem,  confidence and
acceptance  upon  our  achievements,   being  in  control,
successes,  and conformity to rules of propriety---then we
are bound to be insecure and defensive in the face of  the
inevitable risks of achieving too little,  not being fully
in control,  failing  to  succeed,  or  not conforming  to
people's expectations.

     If  we  are  ultimately  in competition for a limited
supply of recognition, attention, praise, acceptance,  and
love---then  we will be insecure and defensive in the face
of   the  fact  that  losers  will  not  get  the  coveted
recognition, attention, raise, acceptance or love.

     We  need  to  beware lest we fall  into the  trap  of
seeking our salvation through means,  techniques,   fixes,
technologies,  systems, rules, and procedures which form a
threatening framework for our loss of pride,  self esteem,
confidence,  acceptance,  recognition, attention,  praise,
and  love.    If  our very  being  worthy  persons  is  so
conditioned,   then we have no ground of being who we  are
with any true sense  of  security,   pride,  self  esteem,
confidence   or  acceptance.    Our  very  being  will  be
threatened  to  the core,  and we will be terrified at the
core.  Then we cannot be ourselves with either personal or
communal  integrity;  and we will engage in all  kinds  of
dishonesty, collusions, addictions and codependent support
schemes in desperate attempt to achieve and hold onto what
we dimly sense that we lack. Even when we get it we cannot
relax  for  fear we will lose it.   It will not  be  truly
ours.

     We can be truly secure only when we are  really  safe
in freely sharing  who  we  are,   what  our  experiences,
perceptions and feelings are, what we believe, and what we
desire, hope for,  and fear.  Such security is not earned,
achieved,  or obtained through our own efforts.  Rather it
is  the gift of others who wish to  share  what they  have
come  to enjoy with us;  the  freedom  to be vulnerable in
open and honest intimacy.   Such freedom to be  vulnerable
cannot be  real  if  it  is  given conditionally.   In the
absence of such gifts  of  the freedom  to  be  vulnerable
people  become   defensive,   manipulative,  coercive  and
violent.   They are insecure and  act  in  ways which lead
other people to become insecure.

                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
                    (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)  
                                                                                                                               
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