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     %RULE LEGAL MORAL SEX INTIMACY RISK TRUE TRUST 930123

     It  is not possible for people who do not  know  each
other,   cannot trust each other, and cannot rely on  each
other---to engage in a truly intimate sexual relationship.

     True  intimacy depends upon true security;  and  upon
the giving and receiving of gifts of true security. In the
absence  of such exchanges and receptions,  there is bound
to  be  the  risk of and fear of  becoming  trapped  in  a
relationship  of unbalanced desire,  power,  concerns  and
interests.   If  partners do not  have  balanced  desires,
concerns,   interests  and powers which are well suited to
each  other;  no amount of will-power,  effort or  control
will enable them  to  achieve  fulfillment  in  a  healthy
intimate relationship.

     It  is  not  helpful to try to  prevent  people  from
making mistakes of imprudent intimacy through attempts  to
control them via moral codes,  ethical rules,  laws,   and
legalistic  injunctions.   Such attempts to be in  control
entail  dishonesty about what can be controlled;   and  so
such  attempts are doomed to failure.  Dishonesty does not
make  a good foundation for any kind of achievement  which
is worthy of respect.

     It  is  helpful  to  describe  the  consequences   of
imprudent  intimacy  so  that people may learn  from  such
mistakes.    It  is  helpful  to  know  in  advance   what
circumstances  have  lead  people  to  make  mistakes   of
imprudent  intimacy;   so  that  we can  take  appropriate
precautions  and  work  to  promote  healthy  intimacy  in
balanced personal relationships.

                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
                    (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)  
                                                                                                                               
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