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    %SICK LOGIC REASON BOND GIFT PARENT GUILT SHAME 930104

     If  we  grew up in a dysfunctional family  of  origin
where  our parents gave us very little of long term value,
but did give us shame and guilt;  then by a sick  kind  or
logic/reason  we  may bond to our shame and guilt as  dear
gifts from our parents which we cannot let go of---because
we have little else given to us by our parents.

     Even  if  our parents did  not  abuse  us  physically
through  active violence,  we may have been abused through
neglect  and  lack  of  true  non-manipulative  affection;
passive  abuse.   Our parents may have been unable  to  do
better by us; may have done the best that the knew how and
could do---and we still be wounded. For us to heal we need
to deal with the truth. If we cling to the shame and guilt
which  we  received from our parents---regarding  them  as
precious  gifts which we dare not let go of---then we  are
not free to heal because we are not free to  deal with the
truth about our childhood.

     Coming  to  terms with the truth about our  childhood
may involve letting go of false images of how wonderful it
was, letting go of our "gifts" of shame and guilt, letting
go of our images of our parents as more  healthy then they
were;   and honestly grieving our loss.   Grief  is  often
essential  to  learning to deal honestly with  the  truths
which  are  painful to accept.  It is a mistake to try  to
avoid  grief,  for grief is often the doorway to a  better
life  for  ourselves AND FOR OUR CHILDREN.  If we  do  not
learn to deal openly and honestly with the truth about our
family of origin,  we may give the same kind of family  of
origin to our own children.

                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
                    (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)  
                                                                                                                               
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