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      %JACK JILL DOUBLE BIND REFLEXIVE STUCK ESCAPE 920915

     Jack and Jill are stuck in a REFLEXIVE DOUBLE BIND in
which  each feels/believes that the other  should/must/can
do what needs to be done FIRST,  in order for them to  get
out.   According  to  the way each perceives  their  joint
situation each  should/must/can appropriately wait for the
other  to act first.  The other is to blame for not acting
first.    If  only  the  other  were  to  to   what   they
should/must/can do first,  they would both be out of their
reflexive double bind.

     Jack and Jill may feel/believe that they cannot trust
the other,  until the other has  FIRST done what the other
should/must/can do to prove that they are worthy of trust.

     Perhaps Jack and Jill each feel that they cannot tell
the  other what  it  is that the other should/must/can  do
FIRST;   because the other should/must/can figure  out  on
their own just what it  is that  they  should/must/can  do
FIRST---figuring out what they should/must/can do FIRST is
the  FIRST  thing  they the other should/must/can  do---to
resolve the reflexive double bind.  Each may  believe/feel
that  it  is  obvious  that the  other  should  meet  this
condition before self makes the appropriate next move; and
failure  of  the other to do so first is a sign  that  the
other is unwilling or unable to do their part.

     Jack  and  Jill's  feelings in these matters  may  be
identical  or  just very similar---and they still be in  a
reflexive double bind. The conflict which entraps them may
originate  in an agreement that the other  person  is like
self;  i.e.,  Jack sees Jill behaving much like Jill  sees
Jack  behaving---or  not behaving.  Yet they  may  not  be
communicating,  and not know openly and honestly how  each
sees  the other behaving---or not behaving.  Each  expects
the  other to become open and honest FIRST.  Thus they are
stuck in their reflexive double bind.

     If Jack and Jill  are  dedicated to certain ideals of
objectivity  and systematic procedures,   that  dedication
will not  lead  them to see how they can get  out of their
reflexive  double  bind---for  objectivists  cannot   deal
wisely with reflexive situations without  violating taboos
of the objectivists'  paradigm/collusions. In fact, such a
dedication can tighten the reflexive double bind; and make
it impossible for them to recognize, describe, talk about,
and wisely deal  with the nature of their reflexive double
bind.
                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
                    (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)  
                                                                                                                               
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