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    %VIOLENT COERCIVE SEX RELATION RESTRAIN REPRESS 920827

     Intimacy and   sexual    relationships    are   often
disintegrative because of the violence, coercion and abuse
of  power which is present in the relationships;  and  the
false  judgment  is made that the core of the problem has
to do with  intimacy  and/or  sexuality---rather than with
violence,   coercion and/or the abuse of power.  The often
prescribed cure which flows from this false judgment is a
prescription  calling for the avoidance,  repression,   or
control of intimacy and/or sexuality; rather than any call
for  a  reduction in violence,  coercion and/or  abuse  of
power.

     If violence,  coercion and the abuse of power are not
recognized   as   the   core  of  the  problem   in   many
disintegrative intimate and sexual relationships; then the
tragic  consequences tend to include the  continuation  of
violence,  coercion and/or the abuse of power in trying to
minimize,   repress  or  control  intimate  and/or  sexual
relationships.

     Our problems and dilemmas which we have not  honestly
described,  talked about,  and/or confronted will continue
to haunt  us  and  fester  in  tragic  ways   because  our
understandings of them are based upon  dishonest concepts,
language, communications, perceptions, and experiences.

     Intimacy and sexuality which are free  of dishonesty,
deception,  violence,  coercion and abuse of power tend to
be  integrative  in both personal and communal ways;   but
this truth is obscured and confused by our involvements in
collusions, addictions and codependent relationships.

     Focusing clearly upon violence, coercion and abuse of
power is  more  embarrassing  than  is  focusing  upon our
dysfunctional involvements with each other in intimate and
sexual ways---so  long  as  we take care  to avoid clarity
about  the roles of violence,  coercion and abuse of power
in generating the dysfunctionality  of our  participations
in   reflexive  relationships  which  we  cannot   control
objectively.

     So long as we do not clearly and honestly  understand
the  roots of our reflexive dysfunctionality,   so long we
will  be unable to deal wisely with the tragic aspects  of
our  dysfunctionality---dilemmas which we  cannot  "solve"
by pretending that they are "technical problems" for which
we need to find/invent a fix, or for which we need to find
a technocratic  leader willing to supply a false fix---for
a price  which   involves   both  personal   and  communal
disintegration.
                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
                    (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)  
                                                                                                                               
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