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   %LACK PERSONAL UNDERSTAND INTERNAL CONFLICT LOVE 920813

     Love   is  often  perverted  by  a  lack  of   mutual
understandings of internalized conflicts. People are often
torn  apart by internalized conflicts  between  and  among
ideals  and goals which are incompatible,   but which  are
regarded as being of ultimate importance;  so  there is an
ultimate  internal conflict which is not clearly  seen  or
understood by self or by others.

     When we  we are torn by ultimate  internal  conflicts
which neither  we  nor others understand,  we  cannot feel
truly loved. We are likely to become frustrated, angry and
say  to  those  who would  love  us,   "You  just  do  not
understand!" Our  lack   of  understanding  is   bound  to
generate frustration, anger, alienation, and estrangement;
which intensify the  lack of understanding,  and the cycle
gets worse.

     Such   situations   of  lack  of   understanding   of
internalized conflicts occur between parents and children,
between  friends and lovers,  between husbands and  wives,
between employer and employee. They generate conflicts and
violence. It is important to seek to understand the nature
of the situations;  and to do what can be done  to promote
honest listening, dialogue, insight, and understanding.

     There   is  a  growing  literature   about   conflict
resolution which can be drawn  upon in  efforts to promote
true understanding. See books by Fisher,  Urey, Brown, and
Halverstadt  regarding getting to yes,  getting  together,
getting past no, and managing church conflict.

                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
                    (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)  
                                                                                                                               
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