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 %SELF INTEGRITY REFLEXIVE KNOW JUDGE ACCEPT REJECT 920716

     We cannot enjoy personal integrity if we cannot enjoy
congruence   between   the  reality  of  our   being   and
experiencing  who/what  we are;  and the  reality  of  the
grounds  which  we  believe  we  should  honor  in passing
judgments  as  regards our experiences  of our selves  and
each other as human beings.

     There  can  be no such joyful congruence  for  us  to
experience;    if  our  grounds   for  our judgments   and
acceptance/rejection---demand  of  us and/or  others  high
levels of control, discipline,  perfection and achievement
which are beyond what is possible for normal healthy human
creatures.

     If there is  now no such joyful congruence  for us to
experience; then to enjoy such congruence we and/or others
must modify:

1.  Who we are,

2.  What we do,

3.  What we experience,

4.  How we perceive ourselves,

5.  How we perceive each other,

6.  Our grounds for judgment,

7.  Our grounds for acceptance,

8.  Our grounds for rejection,

9.  Implications of imperfection,

10.  Implications of lack of control, AND/OR

11.  Our grounds for joy, pleasure, and rest.

     We  are  trapped in a double bind if our grounds  for
judgment,   acceptance and/or rejection forbid us to  give
careful  reflexive  consideration  to any or  all  of  the
above; e.g.,  if we believe compulsively that we are to be
judged  good,  respectable,  worthy of affirmations and/or
acceptable   only  if  we  are  always  objective  in  our
behaviors.   We are trapped in a double find if  reflexive
behaviors are taboo and unworthy of respect,  affirmations
and/or acceptance.

     If  reflexive  behaviors are taboo  and  unworthy  of
respect,  affirmations and/or acceptance:  then we  cannot
honestly reflect upon any incongruence between the reality
of our being  and  experiencing who/what we  are;  and the
reality of the grounds which we believe we should honor in
passing  judgments   as  regards  our  experiences of  our
selves  and  each  other as human  beings.   If  reflexive
behaviors are  taboo,  then we cannot  function  as  well-
programmed  automatons;   for then we cannot make  prudent
judgments about our own imprudent behaviors.

     To  escape  from  our double bind we  must  learn  to
respect integrative reflexive  behaviors,  learn to affirm
integrative  reflexive  behaviors,  and  learn  to  accept
people  who  with  integrity  engage  in  wise   reflexive
behaviors; even if they do violate some of our most deeply
held taboos and religious injunctions!

                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
                    (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)  
                                                                                                                               
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