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        %CONTROL DESIRE SELF OTHER FEEL EMOTION FIX 911217

     In   our  search  for  satisfaction  we  often   seek
satisfaction  through the exercise of different  kinds  of
control.

     We  seek to control our feelings by behaving in  ways
which make us feel good;  and end up fixated upon fixes to
control undesired "bad"  emotions;  without  authentically
knowing ourselves or each other by being true to ourselves
and others.  We cannot control our feelings satisfactorily
without  knowing ourselves and each other by being true to
ourselves  and  others.   If we try to  control  ourselves
and/or each other;  then we cannot know ourselves and each
other by being true to ourselves and others.   When we try
to  be in control through fixes,  we pay for our fixes  by
sacrificing our honesty and integrity.

     There are different kinds of control through which we
seek satisfaction.

     There   is  a  difference  between  trying  to   gain
satisfaction  through  the  abuse of drugs  as  fixes  for
unsatisfactory  emotions,  and trying to gain satisfaction
through  being  respected  citizens  who  try  to  control
addicts  and codependents.   Both  involve  preoccupations
with control, however.

     There   is  a  difference  between  trying  to   gain
satisfaction  through control of other people through  the
use  of  great  power,  and trying  to  gain  satisfaction
through prideful avoidance of the risks of the exercise of
power  and control.   Yet both involve preoccupations with
control.   Being in control of not having power,  is  just
another  kind of being in power,  and being in control  to
try to gain satisfaction.

     We  are troubled as long as we are  preoccupied  with
questions  of power and control:  Who is in control?   Who
has more power?   Who has what power?   Who is controlling
whom?  Who is out of control?   Who can control whoever is
out of control?  Fixation upon such questions rarely leads
to  true satisfaction.   Fixation upon such questions  can
include  compulsively trying to avoid such questions as if
they were taboo.

     We  may find satisfaction when we transcend  fixating
upon  power  and  control,  and learn to know  each  other
openly and honestly without preoccupations with issues  of
control.  Yet, we are still fixated upon control and power
if  we seek a guarantee that we will be satisfied when  we
let go of our fixations upon power and control.  No system
can  be  devised which will assure satisfaction if  it  is
systematically followed as a means to be in control of the
satisfaction of self and/or others.

     We  cannot  enjoy ourselves or each other,  until  we
give  up  our preoccupations with power and  control  over
ourselves, each other, and our evolving relationships.

                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
                    (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)  
                                                                                                                               
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