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%RELIABLE PEOPLE TRUST VIOLENCE EXPECTATION HEALTHY 911105

     We   regard   as  reliable,    people   who   fulfill
our expectations.

     We  regard as unreliable,  people who fail to fulfill
our expectations.

     Yet,     reliability  in  the  sense  of   fulfilling
our  expectations   is  not  a sure ground  for   trusting
other  people.     Our  expectations may not  be  healthy.
People  who fulfill unhealthy expectations are not  worthy
of  careless trust.

     Our expectations  may  be  manipulative,   dishonest,
misguided,  collusive,   addictive,    codependent and  in
other  ways unhealthy expectations.  We need to be careful
not  to   use  our expectations as a  sure  guide  to  the
integrity  of other people's  behaviors.     When   people
fail   to  fulfill  our expectations we need to  entertain
the  possibility  that  our expectations  may   not   have
been  healthy,    reasonable, appropriate,  well informed,
clear, etc.

     In communities which  are behaving  in  the manner of
addicts  and  codependents,   unhealthy  expectations  are
some  of  the  tools  by which members  of  the  community
manipulate,   coerce and  violate  each other.    Not  all
violence   is  obviously physical,    psychological,    or
economic.  Much violence is hidden  from  the view of both
the   perpetuators   and  the victims  of   the  violence.
This   is  particularly   true   as  regards  having   and
respecting unhealthy expectations.

     It is dangerous to raise reliability to the level  of
a sure test   of  personal  integrity.   There is  a  real
need   to  carefully examine and see how healthy  are  the
expectations in terms of which reliability is measured.

                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
                    (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)  
                                                                                                                               
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