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    %SECURITY CONTROL SELF OTHER DEFENSE LIMIT LOVE 901216

     If   we regard our security is rooted in our  ability
to  be  fully   in   control  of  our  lives,     we   are
doomed to frustration for the following reasons:

     (1) We are social creatures and our lives are part of
a fabric  which  involves other people's lives;   thus, we
cannot be fully in control of our own lives unless  we are
also  fully in control of the lives of  those people whose
lives significantly affect us.

     (2)  Other people,   like us,   are part of a  fabric
which involves our lives;  thus,   they cannot be fully in
control of  their  lives unless they are fully in  control
of   our lives to the extent that we significantly  affect
them.

     (3)Neither we nor they want to be fully controlled.

     (4) Neither we nor they can be fully  in  control  of
others who significantly affect our lives.

     (5) Only objects without wills can be controlled;  an
we gain  little satisfaction out  of  controlling  objects
which are without wills.

     (6)  People with healthy wills cannot be  controlled;
and  we  gain  satisfaction out of  appearing  to  control
others only because  it makes a difference to us that they
have wills which objects do not have.

     (7) Our  integrity,   the integrity of others,    and
the  integrity of our communities depend upon none  of  us
being  fully    in   control;    for   our   security   is
profoundly  threatened by anybody seeking to be  fully  in
control.

     (8)  Our security does not depend upon us being fully
in control,  but rather upon our being and feeling free to
be detached from concern about being in control;   because
we are not being threatened by anybody seeking to be fully
in control. Similarly for other people's security.

     (9)  People  who  are  in Love do not seek  to  be in
control,   for they are together in Love and walk  in  the
ways  of Love which do not entail being in control;    but
rather  are  ways which  entail being in each other's true
presence   without  threats  of  control  or   conditional
acceptance.

     (10) Trying  to  be in control of people  entails the
threat of  and the reality of:   coercion,   manipulation,
violence,  failure,   frustration,    anger,   resentment,
revenge,     alienation,      estrangement,      distrust,
misunderstanding, and disintegration.

                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
                    (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)  
                                                                                                                               
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