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    %TRANSCEND SUBSTITUTE REJECT ADDICT ACCEPT LOVE 901129

Much  of  human  disintegrative behavior may  be  seen  as
efforts to compensate for, substitute for,  or control the
meaning/effect  of  some personal rejection,   abuse,   or
neglect.   To minimize disintegrative human  behaviors  we
need to deal with occasions of personal rejection,   abuse
and    neglect---in   integrative   ways   which   involve
transcendence, rather than compensation or substitution.

Personal  rejections  and  passive or  active  abuse  have
profound consequences to the life of the person who is the
victim.   We  may  have been  rejected  and/or  abused  by
parents,   friends,  relatives,  teachers,  mentors.   The
rejection  and/or  abuse may have been verbal,   physical,
affective,  sexual,  moralistic, intellectual,  etc.  Each
combination  of  rejections leads to  its  own  particular
kinds  of  consequences  depending  upon  how  the  victim
perceives the rejection and responds to them.

Personal  healing in the aftermath of personal  rejections
and/or abuse depends upon the manner, extent and character
of  truly  loving personal acceptance by  healthy  people.
Purely logical procedures, lectures, instruction, etc. are
relatively   incapable  of  promoting  personal   healing.
Attempts  by  the  abused  person  to  compensate  through
efforts  to achieve personal acceptance,  or some form  of
control, do not promote personal healing; and usually pass
on to others the hurt which has been experienced.

Attempting to control personal rejections and abuse  leads
to additional personal rejections and abuse. Attempting to
control  the character,  significance and meaning of other
people's behaviors leads to personal rejections and abuse.
Such  attempts are common responses to personal rejections
and  abuse,  but they do not lead to the transcendence  of
personal rejections and abuse.  Personal healing comes  in
the  presence of Love's true acceptance and affirmation of
people  who have previously been rejected and abused.  For
healing to occur acceptance and affirmation must be  open,
honest,   affectionate,   and  characterized  by  personal
integrity.   Healing  is rarely promoted by  manipulative,
intrusive, coercive, and/or unilateral procedures.

                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
                    (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)  
                                                                                                                               
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