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%ACCEPT CONTROL GIFT ENJOY PLEASURE AVOID AVOIDANCE 900914

     It  is  difficult  for the addict to truly  accept  a
gift, for the addict wants to control the significance and
meaning of the gift.

     To  truly accept a gift involved accepting the  truth
that  one  is  not  in full control;   and  so  acceptance
involves  honesty  about one's own  limitations.   Addicts
believe that they can be and must be in full control to be
acceptable,  and so they cannot truly accept any authentic
gifts---for  such  acceptance would involve changing  away
from  their  belief that they can be and must be  in  full
control,   and  away from the belief that they can be  and
must  be  perfect and complete in and of themselves.   The
perfect and complete person would lack nothing and have no
need  of  any  gift:  thus to truly accept a  gift  is  to
acknowledge  one  is  not perfect or complete.   This  the
addict cannot do, and fears to consider doing it.

     Addicts seek to avoid that which they fear because of
their beliefs regarding:  being in control,  being honest,
being  manipulative,  being successful,  being  achievers,
being  independent,  being worthy,  being perfect,   being
acceptable. (Being themselves is not sensible to addicts.)
Addicts do not know how to avoid such unhealthy avoidance;
or how to avoid unhealthy:  attitudes,  company,  friends,
lovers, role models, mentors, teachers, professors, etc.

                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
                    (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)  
                                                                                                                               
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