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 %ADDICT LACK POWER CONTROL ACCOUNTABLE RESPONSIBLE 900728

     Subtle  differences between what words point  to  may
often  play important roles in distinguishing between  the
attitudes  of  unhealthy addicts/codependents on  the  one
hand,   and the attitudes of healthy people on  the  other
hand.

     Addicts/codependents  are preoccupied with issues  of
control,  wanting to be more in control they can be;   yet
justifying many of their failures in terms which amount to
saying  that  they lack the power to  make  the  necessary
difference  between success and failure.  They often  feel
that  because  they lack the power to make  the  necessary
difference  they  should not be held accountable,  not  be
asked  to be responsible for (not be asked to make  honest
responses regarding) their decisions and actions. Yet they
continue  to be preoccupied with issues of  control,   and
with  attempts to be in control of processes which no  one
can control.

     It is important to see clearly the difference between
the power to influence the course of events, and the power
to control the course of events.  If we do not clearly see
the  difference,  we cannot make a realistic appraisal  of
our  record  of  success and failure;  for  we  may  judge
ourselves  severely for failing to succeed in  controlling
what  we  could not possibly control.  We may also  excuse
ourselves  for failing to influence the course  of  events
where  we  could  have made  a  significant  difference---
because  we  may believe that there is no real  difference
between our failure to control what cannot be  controlled,
and our failure to influence what we could influence.

                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
                    (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)  
                                                                                                                               
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