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  %DISHONEST PERFECTIONISTS UNREALISTIC ESTEEM FAIL 900303

     Perfectionists  are  dishonest in that  they  pretend
that  perfection  is  possible to attain.    They  do  not
acknowledge  that upon the attainment of one definition of
perfection;   the perfectionist is then bound to invent  a
new  definition  of  perfection,  and to  regard  the  old
definition of perfection as being imperfect.

     Perfectionists   are   not  honest   regarding   what
motivates  them to seek perfection:  they are  seeking  to
earn  acceptance  into  intimate relationships  which  are
open,  honest and characterized by integrity.   They  lack
self  esteem  and  seek to achieve a high self  esteem  by
achieving  perfection  which  will  justify/require  their
acceptance.   They are not honest and do not admit that it
is    impossible   to  achieve  acceptance   into  healthy
intimate  relationships;    no  matter  what the form   or
extent  of perfection,    no matter what the definition of
perfection may be.

     Perfectionists  focus  attention upon  techniques  by
which  to fulfill their current definition of  perfection:
they  become  technocrats,  addicts  and  participants  in
codependent   networks  of  supporters  of   addicts---all
according to tacit rules of collusive games of mutual self
deception.   Goals which are attainable through the use of
techniques  yield  the  satisfaction of  being  under  the
control  of the person who set the goals.   Perfectionists
set for themselves unattainable goals and compulsively try
to  use techniques to achieve the satisfaction which  they
foolishly think attainment will bring.

     Perfectionists  are  dishonest  in that they  do  not
admit  that  the achievement of technical goals  does  not
bring the kind of satisfaction which they always think  it
will bring.  The kind of satisfaction for which they yearn
is  not enjoyed upon the achievement of  technical  goals,
but  upon open and honest participation in authentic human
relationships   which   are   free   of   misleading   and
manipulative behavior.   In contrast,  perfectionists  are
usually trying to manipulate people in misleading ways. It
is no wonder that they are never satisfied!

     Perfectionists  are  dishonest about  the  nature  of
dilemmas  which they regard as problems which can be fixed
by techniques: they seek fixes for all kinds of situations
which are dilemmas and which are misleadingly perceived as
problems.    Perfectionists  encourage  addicts  to   seek
technical  fixes  for  human  dilemmas,   and   discourage
everyone  from  coming  to terms with  the  conditions  we
humans  encounter  in dilemmas.   If we do  not  have  the
courage  to  honestly  face  those  conditions  we  cannot
honestly  come  to terms with them.   We then  lead  lives
dominated by collusive games of mutual self deception.

     Perfection is never attainable because our conception
of  perfection is never perfected.   We will do well to be
honest  about  why we seek to attain perfection,   and  to
honestly  face the dilemmas which pertain to our desire to
attain perfection.

                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
                    (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)  
                                                                                                                               
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