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   %ADDICT LOVE CODEPENDENT VIRGIN CONTROL VITALITY 891101

     The addict often envies the vitality of the unspoiled
virgin   who  is  not  yet  seduced  into   addictive   or
codependent patterns of thought, feeling and behavior. The
virgin  is  seen as in possession of  something  which  it
would be good to own and control; a mysterious vital force
which  the addict lacks.  The addict seeks ways to benefit
from that vital possession and so seeks to gain control of
the vitality of the virgin.

     The  vitality  of the virgin relates to the  virgin's
ability  to be openly and honestly responsive.  The virgin
enjoys  a  free domain of communication which  the  addict
does not enjoy.  The addict's communications are under the
control of some plan to achieve some goal or vision,  they
are     calculated    communications,     not    authentic
communications.   The addict envies in others the vitality
which the addict does not have,  and seeks to discover and
gain control of the key to that vitality.

     The  addict  does  not recognize that  to  enjoy  the
vitality which is desired, the addict will have to give up
a whole set of personally manipulative attitudes,  values,
ideals,  and goals.  In fact the key to vitality is a  key
which threatens addicts' whole world view. The vitality is
characterized   by  honesty  which  will  expose  all  the
collusive  games of mutual self deception which appear  to
the  addict  to be the keys to security and success.   The
efforts to gain control of the key to the desired vitality
will  be unmasked by the integrity of the virgin,  or  the
integrity   of  the  virgin  will  be  destroyed  by   the
manipulative efforts of the addict.

     The  virgin  may respect the addict  for  the  power,
wealth,   possessions,   control,  etc.  which the  addict
appears to enjoy.  The virgin may be seduced into adopting
the world view of the addict. In that seduction the virgin
loses the vitality which the addict envied.  The addict is
then  frustrated by the failure to gain control of the key
to the vitality which was desired from a distance.

     If the virgin is seduced into becoming the servant of
the  powerful  addict,  the virgin becomes  a  codependent
supporter of the addict who cannot cope effectively as  an
addict.   The  virgin  may be seduced  into  thinking  and
feeling  that  fulfillment  is to be  found  in  self-less
service. Soon the virgin finds that there is no longer any
real self, and there is no personal identity which is real
apart from the manipulative addict. The relationship lacks
meaning  and vitality,  but the self does not have  enough
self esteem to assert self enough to escape from the  trap
of the seductive relationship.  The virgin is no longer  a
virgin,   but  a  used  person who  is  imprisoned  in  an
addictive/codependent relationship which lacks integrity.

                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
                    (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)  
                                                                                                                               
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