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   %ADDICT CODEPEND DISHONEST SUBSTITUTION PRETENSE 891018

     In  seeking  to cope with addictive  and  codependent
behavior  it  is  helpful to  recognize  that  often  such
behavior is dominated by dishonest substitutions.

     In  dishonest substitutions addicts and  codependents
pretend  that they can satisfy a basic human need  with  a
substitute which may appear to be what is needed, desired,
yearned for,  etc.  What is wrong with such a substitution
is that the substitute is inappropriate, inadequate, fails
to  satisfy;  and there is dishonesty about the fact  that
there is a substitution being made and that the substitute
fails  in  fundamental ways to be adequate.   Addicts  and
codependents pretend otherwise.

     Gasoline  will not adequately substitute for water in
most situations,  even though both are liquids. Sugar will
usually  not  substitute for salt,  even though  both  are
crystalline substances.  Sex will not substitute for love.
Acting does not substitute for authenticity. Optimism does
not  substitute  adequately  for  realism.   Inappropriate
substitutions  made  in confusion and efforts  to  deceive
lead to tragic situations.

     Expressing  the anger of childhood in doing  violence
to a spouse chosen to remind you of a violent parent  does
not   adequately  substitute  for  realism  and  authentic
mourning regarding a tragic childhood.

     Repressing   adult  sexuality  does  not   adequately
substitute  for honestly facing and learning to understand
sexual abuse in earlier years.

     Pretending  that  problems  are due  to  failures  of
others,   or due to fate,  is an inadequate substitute for
changing misleading assumptions, attitudes and beliefs.

     Addiction  and  codependence involve  many  dishonest
substitutions  which  are  made  in  confusion  and/or  in
efforts  to  mislead  self and other  as  participants  in
collusions.   It will be helpful to recognize and  clarify
the  nature  of the substitutions which are made  and  the
ways  in  which their is dishonesty in the making  of  the
substitution;   especially  in cases where the  dishonesty
leads to confusion chosen to obscure the truth of what  is
being done.

                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
                    (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)  
                                                                                                                               
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