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       %PERFECT COMPENSATION LOW SELF ESTEEM ADDICT 891007

     People  who  have  not experienced and  do  not  know
authentic love often have low self esteem,  because others
have not esteemed them authentically.  They do not  regard
themselves  as  authentic persons.  They have  often  been
rejected   and   suffered  various  forms   of   violence,
ostensibly   for  imperfections  in  their  behavior   and
character. This often occurred in a forgotten childhood.

     Such  people often seek to achieve  acceptability  by
trying  to  perfect  themselves or  something  which  they
perceive to be under their control. To avoid rejection for
imperfections   they   seek  to  achieve  some   form   of
perfection.   They  may try to perfect other  people,   as
others  have  tried to perfect them by rejecting them  for
their own imperfection.  This will, of course,  perpetuate
the cycle of low self esteem and rejection.

     People  of  low  self esteem  may  try   to   achieve
perfections  other  than  perfection  of  persons;   e.g.,
perfect   homemaking,   perfect  school  grades,   perfect
workmanship,  perfect argumentation/logic,  perfect  moral
behavior,   perfect beliefs/faith,  perfect sex,   perfect
science, perfect knowledge, etc.

     Perfectionists who  seek to achieve  love-ability and
acceptability  through  some  form of perfection  tend  to
reject  that which is imperfect,  including themselves and
others.  The assumptions which they make as the foundation
for  their  quest leads to the frustration of  the  quest,
both  as  regards to the process of the  quest,   and  the
attainment  of its goal.  They cannot enjoy  the  process,
they rarely achieve goals,  and cannot enjoy whatever they
do achieve.

     Perfectionists  need to change their most fundamental
assumptions  about  what is most important  in  meaningful
living. They need to seek to learn the nature of authentic
love  which sets people free to engage in open and  honest
dialogue which leads,  in turn,  to personal and  communal
integrity.

                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
                    (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)  
                                                                                                                               
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