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 %PATERNAL EGO FEAR OF CHILD'S FAILURE CODEPENDENCE 890916

     Parents may invest  too much  of  their  ego in their
children's  lives  in  such ways that  they  regard  their
children's  successes and failures as their own  successes
and failures.  If such is the case, and the parents'  lack
healthy  self  esteem,  they may lead their children  into
addictive and codependent relationships.

     Such circumstances  lead to paternalistic  efforts to
control  the children's lives to insure that they turn out
"right"  in the parents'  eyes.  In the absence of healthy
self esteem,  parents may not deal honestly with the their
children's  failures to fulfill their own  (the  parents')
coercive expectations.

     Because of  such  failures,  parents  may  reject  in
various  ways their children's efforts to  be  themselves,
and  so reject their children,  leaving them insecure  and
without  a firm foundation upon which to build  their  own
lives.

     The  systemic  dynamics of addictive and  codependent
relationships  can not be dealt with wisely  without  some
wise understanding of how such relationships are rooted in
early  family dynamics;  and in later relationships  which
echo  early  family  dynamics  in  schools,   work places,
religious  services,  government councils,   marketplaces,
etc.

     In  the  absence  of  a  wise  understanding  of  the
dynamics of systemic addiction and codependence we blindly
illustrate  those dynamics in our addictive organizations,
schools,   churches,   families,   and  intimate  personal
relationships.  The whole process is a process of personal
and  communal disintegration,  which we cannot see  wisely
because  we lack personal and communal integrity.  One  of
the  most important things we have to do is to use  wisely
and courageously such clear visions as we may occasionally
enjoy.

                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
                    (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)  
                                                                                                                               
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