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     %JACK & JILL PRETENSE PERPETUAL ADDICT CONTROL 890715

     Jack  and  Jill are preoccupied with always being  in
control;  perhaps they want,  perhaps they feel that  they
should  be  in control.  It is not exactly clear.  In  any
case, control is their perpetual preoccupation. They never
feel  free  to  let go,  to let down,  to  relax,   to  be
themselves   without  conformity  to  some  principle   of
control.

     Jack  and Jill are preoccupied with controlling other
people's  perceptions to get other people to perceive what
Jack and Jill feel/want/expect others to perceive; whether
true or not.

     Jack  and Jill are preoccupied with controlling other
people's  behaviors to get others to conform to what  Jack
and Jill feel/want/expect others' behavior patterns to be.

     Jack  and  Jill believe/feel that their  very  beings
depend   upon  how  well  they  are  in   control.    They
believe/feel that if they fail, there will be no substance
to their being. If they fail they will be nothing. If they
fail for a moment, they will become nothing; they dare not
let go,  let down, relax or be themselves,  for if they do
they will become nothing.

     Jack  and Jill do not accept the truth that there  is
very little that they can control; instead, they act as if
they  should/want/need (to)  be in control of  everything.
Since  they do not accept the truth,  they pretend that it
(the truth)  is not true.  Jack and Jill pretend that they
can  be in control of all that they try to control.   Jack
and  Jill  are  pretentious in thoroughly  dishonest  ways
which  make  every moment of their lives  an  exercise  in
dishonesty.   They are constantly  fabricating  misleading
appearances  and  trying to make them hang together as  if
they  were  true;  such a job is perpetual,  there  is  no
letting down.

     Jack  and  Jill  cannot be honest with  others  about
their dishonest efforts to always be in control,  for such
honesty  would  undermine  their effort  to  maintain  the
appearance  of substance in their being what they want  to
appear  to be.  To be honest would undermine the substance
of their being.

     Jack and Jill cannot be honest with each other  about
their dishonest efforts to always be in control,  for they
each  are trying to control each other,  just as they  are
trying to control others.  They are addicted to each other
as  codependents  in their efforts to pretend to  be  what
they are not. They are participants in a collusive game of
mutual  self  deception;  they are not participants  in  a
conspiracy  to  deceive others according to a  joint  plan
which  they know to be dishonest.  They do not really know
that  they are being dishonest.  They really believe their
own  misleading statements and behaviors.  They cannot  be
honest  with  each other because they do not know what  is
true.   They do not know the difference between truth  and
falsehood.

     Jack  and Jill cannot be intimate with each other  or
with  anybody else.  Intimacy involves honesty,  and  they
cannot be honest.

     Jack  and  Jill are trying to be in  control  because
they want to be accepted,  and they believe that they  can
achieve  acceptability.  They have not been  authentically
accepted and are trying to achieve acceptability.  They do
not know what authentic intimacy is,  but they are  trying
to  qualify  for intimacy;  to be accepted  into  intimate
communal  relationships.   But their efforts  are  utterly
counter-productive  because  they  do not  understand  the
nature of true:  love, intimacy,  acceptance,  friendship,
community, integrity, salvation, redemption, heaven, etc.

     Experts   like   Jack   and  Jill  are   trying    to
achieve  national security through defensive measures  and
are  leaders in the arms race,  scientific research,   and
technological innovation. They have not achieved what they
intended to achieve;  but the reverse.  Yet even now  they
cannot  be honest about the consequences of their  intense
efforts.
                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
                    (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)  
                                                                                                                               
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