This is http://www.essayz.com/a8906202.htm Previous-Essay <== This-Essay ==> Following-Essay Click HERE on this line to find essays via Your-Key-Words. {Most frequent wordstarts of each essay will be put here.} ========================================================== %LEARN MISTAKE ADMIT CONSEQUENCE HONEST KIND FAULT 890620 There is much that people can learn from their own and other's mistakes if there is a willingness to admit that mistakes are made, that there are natural consequences which follow, and there is a willingness to learn what can be learned from the natural consequences. Often learning from mistakes is inhibited by a refusal to admit that any mistakes have been made. Perfectionists often cannot learn from their mistakes because they cannot admit to having made a mistake. This is often the reason that addicts and their codependents do not learn from their mistakes. To learn from their mistakes people need secure fail-safe contexts; and often such contexts are not available, especially in addictive societies and families. Even when one is willing to learn from mistakes there may be confusion as to the nature of the mistake which may have lead to tragic consequences. Often mistakes involve sacrificial dedication and skill in fulfilling consciously chosen values and ideals; yet disintegrative values and ideals lead to tragedy. It is a mistake to make sacrifices to disintegrative ideals and values as if they were God. It is hard to admit to having engaged in idolatry and to learn from that mistake. It is a mistake to do the right thing for the wrong reasons. Some people make the mistake of being concerned only with getting the "right" thing done, for whatever reason can be advanced to get to that action accomplished. They take a position first, and then try to justify the position they took. They make a decision, and only then try to argue that it was the right decision in terms of selected supportive evidence and reason. Even if it is the "right" thing to do, there is a mistake in the process of justifying it. People who make such mistakes usually fail to learn from their mistakes because they come to believe their confused reasoning and their exclusive point of view. They believe their rationalizations to be reasonable. It is a mistake to get people to support a decision through misleading presentations in support of the decision. The decision may be right, but the misleading presentations will haunt the decision with tragic consequences. Dishonest people rarely learn from their dishonest mistakes, because they confuse themselves through their own misrepresentations. Some mistakes have to do with the attitude with which things are done, more than exactly what it is that is done. The mistake may have to do with the habits of heart and mind which form the context of an action. There can be tragic consequences due to disintegrative habits of heart and mind, even when specific decisions are "right". It is hard to learn from mistaken habits of heart and mind. Some mistakes are due to the ways in which language can mislead us in our thinking and feeling. Our language embodies our culture's habits of mind and heart, and may make it difficult to think clearly and creatively in new situations. It is difficult to think thoughts for which no language has been devised; thus it is difficult to learn from mistakes which our language's limitations lead us to make. Some people make the mistake of learning that they are not respectable because of all the mistakes they make. They lack self esteem because they make the mistake of learning the wrong lesson from having made mistakes. Making that mistake is a very serious trap, and it is nearly impossible to get out of that trap without the help of people who have not made the same mistake, and who are free to give love and encouragement which genuinely enable the development of new habits of mind and heart. Some people make the mistake of enabling others to repeat their mistakes over and over and over in the manner of an addict. It is a mistake to constantly protect an addict from most of the natural consequences of the addict's mistakes; without confronting the addict with the truth about the addictive behavior pattern. It is a mistake to teach people to be overly dependent; even though for a while it may make you feel good that they depend upon you so greatly. It is a mistake to refuse to admit that over-dependence has been taught and addictive behavior has been the consequence of good intended services. When people do not know how to learn from their mistakes they often repeat the same mistakes over and over. When people learn the wrong things from their mistakes they may not make the same mistakes over and over; but they are likely to cycle through many related mistakes over and over. It is a mistake to believe that one can do impossible things which are really impossible. It is a mistake to believe that one can not do things which appear impossible; but which appear impossible only because of games of mutual self deception. It is a mistake to fail to try to sort out the difference between genuinely impossible goals and essential goals which only appear impossible. It is thus a mistake to naively say that all things are possible and to waste one's energy trying to do what cannot be done. Many addicts believe that they can straighten themselves out through will power and a grim determination to straighten themselves out without being honest with themselves or others. Many addicts believe that real honesty is impossible, even as they believe that it is possible to straighten themselves out by will power without honesty. (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy) ==========================================================