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 %GUILT MANIPULATION CONTROL ADDICTION CODEPENDENCE 881007

     Guilt  is a tool used by addicts and codependents  to
manipulate each other and themselves. Guilt has to do with
self  rejection  in  connection  with  negative  judgments
regarding self.  Manipulative people try to control others
by prompting guilt,  the fear of guilt, compulsive regret,
and attempts to even the score; for all of these are hooks
by which to grab hold of and manipulate people.

     Recovery  from the collusive games of self  deception
of  addiction  and codependence involves learning  how  to
transcend the manipulations of guilt,  both as manipulator
and  as  victim.  Guilt leads to disintegration,   not  to
personal and communal integrity.  Manipulators of guilt do
not  merit respect as manipulators of guilt.  They need to
be  confronted  with the  disintegrative  consequences  of
their manipulative maneuvers.

     People  who  have low self esteem are  vulnerable  to
being  manipulated through guilt.  Knowing how  vulnerable
they are to guilt,  manipulators lead them to make use  of
that knowledge in manipulating each other,  but not to the
transcendence of such manipulations. They need the miracle
of   transcending  their  own  guilt  and  shame  and  the
manipulations which are associated with guilt and shame.

                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
                    (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)  
                                                                                                                               
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