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          %CONFUSED INTERNALIZED EXTERNAL REFERENTS 880225

     Jack has internalized external references in terms of
which  he seeks to gain approval.   Many of  the  external
references  are  promises  of conditional acceptance,  and
threats   of  conditional  rejection.    Jack  treats   as
essentially his own the invited  external agents which are
not  committed to promoting his personal integrity or  the
integrity   of  his  community.    Jack  has  blurred  the
boundaries between himself and the external world,  he can
no longer tell where he ends and where others begin.  Jack
can not deal with external threats and problems as outside
of  himself.    Jack  can not get in touch  with  his  own
feelings as his own.   The boundaries are gone and threats
are everywhere;  inside and outside are the same.   In his
confusion Jack can not cope effectively and projects blame
everywhere because identities are undifferentiated.  There
are   no  differences  in  terms  of  which  to   localize
responsibility.

     Requiring people to internalize external criteria for
conditional acceptance upon conformity to  what is  proper
--- leads to Jack's problem;    to addictive  behavior  in
which it  is  difficult  for a person to figure out how to
cope  because  of the confusion about what is  inside  and
what    is  outside.      With   a   loss   of    personal
boundaries   it   is difficult to be responsible by  being
responsive.   Requiring  proper  conformal behavior  leads
ultimately     to    confusion   and    all   kinds     of
disintegrative  behavior.      Trying  to  control  people
through  threats of rejection  does not lead to   control,
it   leads   to  the disintegration of  both personal  and
communal integrity.

                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
                    (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)  
                                                                                                                               
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