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     Jill  is  trying to be helpful to Jack who  does  not
know how to take care of himself properly.   Jack does not
have  the  good sense to do for himself what needs  to  be
done, and Jill is willing to be helpful.  Jack is lucky to
have  somebody  as nice as Jill to look  after  him.    He
should  be most appreciative of how lucky he  is!    Maybe
someday  he will grow up and acknowledge how lucky he  has
been.

     Jill  does not want Jack to be dependent all  of  his
life.   She want him to learn how to take care of himself.
For this reason she is working on getting him to learn how
to  take care of himself.   She is offering  him  guidance
about  how  to take care of himself properly;   every  day
offering  him guidance about how to take care  of  himself
properly;  every day offering many suggestions about  what
to do, and when, and how.

     When  Jack  makes  mistakes,  or is about to  make  a
mistake,   Jill is always ready to help him recognize  the
foolishness of making such a mistake, and pointing out how
better to do things.  Of course,  she does all this gently
and with great tact,  so as not to offend Jack and  elicit
his resentment.   She is a skillful trainer and eventually
Jack will be well enough trained to do things for himself.
Jill is patient and persistent,  tenacious.   She will not
give  up in her endeavor.   Eventually she will  have  the
situation under control and will be proud of how well  she
carried out her duty.

     Jack  would like to have some successes of  his  own,
and to be free to discover what is right for him.   He can
not do this with all the help he is getting from Jill.  He
feels trapped,  and in response finds clever ways to  trap
Jill in a trap much like the one he is in; poetic justice.
Jack  out  of resentment behaves in ways which  ties  Jill
more and more to her responsibility.   Jack imprisons Jill
in  a way which is the mirror image of how Jill  imprisons
Jack;  each trapping the other in the continuation of  the
mirror behavior of their own,  with subtle changes in  the
images  upon  each  reflection  which  is   thoughtless---
reactions  rather  than charitable  and  serene  responses
which  are freely made with personal integrity.   They are
trapped  in  their reciprocal reactions  to  each  other's
reactions; attached to each other's dependency without the
freedom of genuine love and appreciation.

                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
                    (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)  
                                                                                                                               
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