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      %LOVE AS INTIMATE ACCEPTANCE WITHOUT PRETENSE 870514

     When  a society falls into a pattern of accepting its
members  only upon the fulfillment of  ambiguously defined
conditions, then disintegrative pretense becomes the basic
coping pattern in games of mutual self deception.  Members
of the society  learn to reject themselves as being unreal
unless they are affirmed by others who are presumably more
real than they are.    Reality  is  externally  defined by
"objective"    facts;   not  known  through  existentially
personal   reflexive  experiences.    Personal   authentic
experiences of a real self become irrelevant  when reality
is defined exclusively in  terms of socially authenticated
objective  facts.    Real selves cease  to  exist,   being
replaced by automatons that play  games with each other in
search   of  some  understanding  in  terms  of  which  to
understand, predict and control each other.

     Automatons   can   not perceive reality  wholisticly.
Automatons can only analyze  situations  through a complex
superposition  of linear processes motivated  by  analytic
assumptions   based  upon  personal  ignorance  which   is
grounded in alienation and fear.

     Love  entails intimate acceptance without pretense or
fear;   accepting  people  as  whole  creatures  who   are
perfectly   themselves  without  conforming  to   external
criteria for personal acceptability.  Love helps people to
escape their con-games of mutual self deception.   In Love
people become free to name,  recognize and talk about  the
ways  in  which  they  play  their games  of  mutual  self
deception.  In Love people learn to make contact with self
and others, knowing each other as  they really are---while
being perfectly themselves  in  treasonous honesty against
the  sophisticated lies of collusive games of mutual  self
deception.
                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
                    (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)  
                                                                                                                               
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