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                %RESPECTING AND PLEASING CONTROLLER 870414

     Many people believe it is important to be in control,
that  important  people are in control,  and  that  to  be
important  one should acquire the power to be in  control.
To  such people self esteem is tied to being in control or
being  near and dear to people who are in control.    They
seek to please those who are in control, respect those who
are  in control,  and thereby come to be in control either
directly  or indirectly.   They deal in the power to be in
control,   and respect the power to be in control.    Such
beliefs  and  dealings  lead to all kinds  of  addictions:
alcohol, drug, power, spending, eating, sexual, political,
weapons, nuclear, missiles, defense, etc.

     Addicts  seek means to be in control as a crutch  for
their  low self esteem.   People with low self esteem need
some  means  to  feel important.   If they believe  it  is
important  to  be  in  control they seek means  to  be  in
control  as  the  way to compensate  for  their  low  self
esteem.  They may  be very  intelligent,   attractive, and
competent people;  and also lack self esteem.  Self esteem
is  not  correlated  to ability.   Often people  of  great
ability  lack self esteem.   They are prone to focus  upon
some means to gain the impression, if not the reality,  of
being  in  control;   and to the extent that their  chosen
means give them the sense of being in control, they return
to it time and time again in times of crises to regain the
sense of being in control.  Such a chosen means undermines
their  ability to cope honestly and wisely,  increases the
frequencies of crisis,  and so the frequency of turning to
the  means of having  the impression  of being in control.
Addiction  progresses  and  the addict can not  be  honest
about  the  way  in which  use  of  the  chosen  means  is
undermining the  integrity  of  the  addict   and  of  the
extended family of  the  addict.  Dishonesty becomes a way
of life.   Dishonesty becomes a means to appearing to self
and others to be in control of a disintegrating life.

     People who respect and try to please the addict  help
the  addict to progress in the addiction.   Such  enablers
help  the  addict  to continue to believe the  lies  which
become central to the impressions of being in control; and
in  some cases of domination of businesses, organizations,
governments and nuclear weapons deployments.

                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
                    (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)  
                                                                                                                               
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