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           %EGO'S DUTY TO BE IN CONTROL DISCIPLINED 861223

     When a society teaches its members that as ego's they
have  the duty to be in disciplined control of  situations
around   them---the   society  sows  the  seeds   of   its
own disintegration.

     A  person can not be in control of  genuine  dialogue
with others,  especially if others have the duty to be  in
control of the dialogue.   You are not in control when you
listen attentively with receptivity to what another has to
say,   especially when what another has to say  challenges
your power to be in control.   To be taught that you  have
the   duty  always to be in control---is to be  taught  to
avoid open and honest dialogue.

     A  person  can  not  be in  control  of  a  genuinely
cooperative  and democratic project,  especially if others
also  have  the  same  duty  to  be  in  control  of   the
cooperative  venture.    Dictators can not cooperate  with
each other openly and honestly.

     A  parent  can  not  be  totally  in  control  of  an
adolescent  youth who is on the way to being a person  who
has been taught to be totally in control of her or his own
life.    Given  signals of having a duty to be totally  in
control,   adults  and  youth have  no  viable  basis  for
cooperation  and dialogue.   They can not responsibly "let
go" in trust and love.

     Total   control  is  not  possible  without   totally
reliable  and  complete  understanding  of  all   possible
decisions, actions and their circumstances.     Such total
understanding  is   not possible,  so total control is not
possible.

     Self  can  not be in total control of how self  views
self   reflexively---when  self  fails  to  be  in   total
control.    Guilt,       rejection,       excommunication,
confession,  forgiveness,    reconciliation,    etc.   are
not    processes  which  can  be  totally  controlled   by
disciplined persons.

     Since  it is not possible for people to be totally in
control,     people  need  to live in  accepted  ways   of
relating  without  any  sense  of duty to  be  totally  in
control.   Responsibility  needs  to be  defined  in  more
integrative and more  mutual  terms.    Disintegration  of
communities    and  personalities   flows  from   defining
responsibility in terms of achieving control.

                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
                    (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)  
                                                                                                                               
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